Okay so I'm in a pissy mood but I'll put the fun stuff before the ranting.

I went to California for three weeks and had an absolutely amazing time (: I went to the beach, posed next to a cardboard cut-out of Obama, went to museums, and discovered my inner motherly mother through two weeks of babysitting.

Basically, it was fun, regardless of a few nuissances.

Back home, things are not as fun. I'm in the process of writing three, very large papers for school, learning up difficult audition pieces on viola, looking for a new job (my old one went ka-poof while I was away), and reading three books for summer homework. Oh, and somehow doing art projects somewhere in between.

As for the "friends." I have three in mind. ):

One is a boy who, at first, relentlessly texted me very late into the night, every night. He came over to my house one time and that was great, but now it's like I don't exist. I mean, he hasn't contacted me in like two weeks. I don't really care, it's just pissing me off. I hate inconsistancy, haha.

Another is... another boy (LOLISUCK) who liked me for a week or so and I found out and kinda let him know on a park bench one afternoon. It was all sunshine and rainbows until he didn't show at school the next day, claiming to be sick. The following day, he breaks up with me because APPARENTLY dating me would be a HUGE change in his life, and he can't handle change, and said if he tried to continue he'd probably kill himself. Basically, he unleased all of his inner insecurites and revealed to me just how truly socially awkward he was. On top of that, he said that he wanted to break up with me beause he was so afraid of messing things up. WELL FUCK HE REALLY MESSED THINGS UP BY DOING THAT. Anyways, I didn't take that too personally. It's just that now he's pretending I don't exist I did him a FAVOR. The LEAST he could do is have the balls to look me in the face and have a decent conversation.
I hate guys. So much.

Speaking of people who are pretending I don't exist...
I've had this one friend for a while, since she was in the seventh grade. Over the past year, our friendship basically disentegrated. I did everyhting I could to reason with her, but in the end she just put up walls so thick I couldn't get anyhting through. She went from worshipping me to talking down at me like I was some immoral, corrupt whore. Basically our friendship was ruined because of a guy. And I really hate that. I know that the ocean is smaller than everyone thinks. I learned to accept that girls were going to date my ex's, and I learned to live with it. But this girl tore me to shreds, bitched about me to my friends, and overall made me feel like a conniving bitch when I fought back. I was turned into the villian when really I was the victim. I wasted a lot of tears on this girl and tried countless times to reconcile, but she just kept pushing me away. Her refusal to resolve the problem makes me so angry. I love being friends with her, and she's just sweeping it under the rug to make HERSELF feel better. How does that make ME feel? She kept telling me I had no regard for other's feelings, and that I was selfish. But really. Ignoring me and pretending I don't exist doesn't bring closure. It just makes it smoulder on forever and ever. At least to me it does. It ameks no sense. I know it's because she's jealous. But honey, if you're reading this, if you couldn't let this go in highschool, good luck in the real world. I've gotten over it, but it still pisses me off from time to time when I look back on how completely unreasonable my friends can be.


Getting over an ex-best friend is harder than getting over an ex-boyfriend.